By Mana Williams. 10 Minutes
The final segment of this trilogy looks at arriving in your new home. It also focuses on the unpacking as well as a lens on what next steps to take and looks at some anxieties that may persist in the process. It wraps up some of the blanket assumptions we make about the simplicity of shifting and places an emphasis on understanding self-requirements and thought.
A quick conversation about the time you made it. Off the boat, off the motorway, off the plane. Your first day in a new place as the old page rests beneath the shadow of the last, a new one is flipped over. Handed the keys to your new apartment to take a look, scope out your part of the house and get the lay of the land. A quick word with your flatmates before getting into unpacking.
When I think about all of the stuff I have when it’s splayed out on the floor, it makes me realise how much stuff I don’t need.
Have you ever packed too much?
After all of the condensing, after letting go of all of your emotional baggage, why is there still so much left? I’m not talking about your pink underwear this time either, I’m referring to the emotional stuff that was plaguing your sleep last year.
Relationships can create a belief system that makes us feel valued when we are with that person. Like a drug, we go through these vicious cycles of thinking about the person who made us happy and the resentment of losing touch with them. We disconnect from our own values and we stop thinking about what effects it’s having on us. The most illogical system ever. That even when we push that person away as hard as possible, there is residue left in our head that reminds us from time to time that we were worth something to someone else. The reminder that we were previously cared about sucks away at our motivation for change so we keep looking for it. A relationship with our girlfriend, a relationship with our parent or family member. Their relationship with us is difficult to quell, usually carried wherever we go.
Sub rant over. You need to adapt to survive. Personality assumptions that contain messages like “be who you are” just fail to mention that people have personality differences which clash in group living situations, like flatting. It can be really exciting to move to a new place, but out of courtesy for others, it’s important to recognise that everyone is struggling with baggage unresolved in at least some relationship.
Overwhelming new environments can force people to say and do things they don’t necessarily mean so it’s vital that you reach compromises and adapt to let bygones be as such. The word bygone meaning something that’s happened in the past.
As mentioned in blog two, people can be driven by their expectation that you are judging them that they put up walls to protect themselves. When everyone is moving into a new environment the stress can be tiresome, so naturally other makes sense that they will find reasons to assume the least from you. So why not prove them wrong by adjusting course and reaching personality compromises?
Just think of all the wars that wouldn’t have happened if one man cut another man some slack on statements made or comments withheld.By simply keeping things simple provides clarity that others don’t have to grapple with.
In effect, the shifting trilogy once again looks at understanding what to pack when shifting versus what needs to be left behind. We talked about the transition stage as you pack up all of your stuff on the last day. That you can see how anxious others were towards you by comparing the second week to the last day you spent with them. That finally the process of moving in can be really hard and exciting but a quick peek into the world of new politics and the importance of reaching a peaceful compromise when decisions are made.
At the end of the day, gauge the love you have for a person based on the balance between how much you would do for them and how much they would do for you. If there is an imbalance, then someone is being ripped off. The most important thing is to carry only the emotional bags that will keep you safe.
That concludes the shifting trilogy. Today’s blog was made late on priorities. Tomorrow I will post a couple of new insights which I’d cool. But there will be a real talk shortly. As always, however…
Thanks for checking in.