This chat is in literal regards to the fact that I’m currently traveling across the Cook Strait between the North and South Islands of New Zealand. The discussion is particularly about learning that independence isn’t everything. That home is always a place where maximum support should be given. It’s a birthright that too often we disregard as being insignificant but in reality is likely the most important support in our lives.
Without the support of our families, we automatically start relying on ourselves a lot more. Which is great, I’m all about independence, but I want to reflect on what my parents have done for me. What my family has done for me. That perhaps the best thing about having independence is learning to rely on people so that if you capsize, you can always find your way again. I would like to acknowledge the efforts of those who were there for me In the hopes that we can both recognise that there is plenty to learn when it comes to putting others before ourselves.
Miracles come in infinite forms. Not only the concept that a priest or holy person would do something to move mountains or cure cancer. If we change the concept of miraculousness to fit into the ideology of hard work. It must be hard raising a kid. it must be hard being there for somebody even when they shit on you all the time but only focusing on the love you’ve got for them. Making compromises everywhere, buying things you’ll never use yourself, paying for school bills you without having sat a single lesson. Paying for the damage somebody else has caused. It must be really hard to put somebody else’s wants and needs before your own, especially if you’re not their biological parent.
This is something that my mum and dad must have fought through. The constant nagging about needing another dollar for sausage sizzle Fridays at primary school. Those unappreciative moments of asking for shoes you scuffed on instead of tying them, only requiring another pair a few weeks later. The pressure on these support networks or in the case of my parents, legal guardians, must be a real challenge every day both financially and emotionally. It must be hard emotionally trying to provide for a person who thinks the world is made of Cadbury chocolate and knows no differently. Who complains when they don’t get food for dinner one night because their parents are struggling. When their child feels entitled to everything they usually get and are unappreciative of the miracles their supports provide for them daily by going to work and doing what so many people do. When their child complains because they don’t receive the present they wanted for Christmas. When their friends got a better bike, larger Easter eggs. When the parent gets told to get out of their teenager’s room because the teenager is going through something and fails to explain why.
This talk is to acknowledge the other side of the story. From the perspective of the people who give everything and expect nothing in return because they only value the love that you don’t give them, so instead settle for your presence as if you’re some kind of royalty. It’s really surprising how many teenagers disregard the fact that some people don’t really have the capacity to take on the entanglement that teenagers create. It must be like kicking to keep afloat with both hands occupied balancing bills and your emotional expectations. That if they wobble to try and balance their own needs they will topple because they have to make sacrifices for your betterment. It’s can’t possibly be in everyone’s capabilities to deal with all of that. I couldn’t imagine any person to feel valued if they offered to support a person and be told that they’re not doing enough to meet the requirements of that person even though they have entirely given up their own needs to be there.
So while tonight’s chat is a rant against the teenager, who negates the value of emotions of everyone else, it’s really a recognise the age old saying to, “treat others how you would like to be treated.” That you should respect everyone as if they were you. What would you like to see? How would you like to be treated? I know for a fact that I like my own opinion to be taken on board because I know that the value of my messages can sometimes help others. So I will try very hard to capture the imagination of that person, and that is what I would expect somebody to do is listen. That is what this entire blog exists for. The next lesson is to learn that others have had the tough love approach longer than you have. That while it’s nice to run away to university, on an expedition overseas, there are no excuses not to show love to those who cared about you and made miracles happen in your life. Not necessarily your parents, but your entire support network.
Ready for another analogy?
In conjunction with the theme, the symbolism of sailing rough seas is in some ways similar to learning how to stop being unappreciative of your support crew basically. To learn not to take the people who would drop everything to deal with the dominating personality in a random midday phone call when in the middle of a meeting. There are many personality issues that we all battle with because it’s so easy to transfix on a particular mindset that the whole world revolves around us and that nobody else matters. Not sure about you but it’s really challenging to work toward putting my own wants and needs aside to make room for somebody else. While you might argue that it’s all a part of growing up, I sure don’t see that happening with very many people. So is that good enough?
The process of sailing across rough seas as a means to let go of your own independence. Within being independent is the stubbornness not to listen to the advice of others as much because we’re too afraid that we might get hurt. So we are cautious not to listen and become defensive and eventually stop listening. That we know what is best, that our word is final and that everyone on planet earth should answer to us. Nah gee! That literally epitomises the concept of being self-obsessed. Just because you know how to swim doesn’t mean you could save yourself from drowning in open waters. Sometimes it’s okay to ask for help. To listen rather than to talk, especially to those who you’ve taken for granted for many years and put your needs before their own. We both owe it to them to be present and value their opinions with the respect and the courtesy that you would expect.
It’s all apart of growing up. Learning to know that independence, while it’s dope when it goes right, is shit when it goes wrong. That trying to paddle against the current is admirable but it’s also hilarious to watch from somebody else’s speedboat. That asking for the help of those who actually give a shit about you is wiser than struggling for no apparent reason asides from satisfying your personal goal of achieving independence, as if it were some kind of destination. Take into consideration what we’ve talked about here.
While today’s chat was targetted more around looking at ideals in terms of perfect society, it really is the least we can do showing our appreciation for the many small miracles people do.
Thanks for checking in!