Some winter nights creep with wisping winds like brushes on metal drums. Chilling breezes linger about the bedroom somewhere outside the comforts of a thick duvet. The security of blankets and wavy polyester sheets giving restful warmth. Body pressed deeply into the plump of the mattress, head rested heavily in the plush of a pillow. But your mind is a mess because you are alone.
Seconds, minutes, a year has passed and still nothing. Thoughts come about like bus fares. It’s as if the real you waited all day to wake up at night. Has she sent a text yet? Impatiently waiting for a sign like an owl in the night, tentative but sensitive. Time seems to whittle away as the clock strikes late o’clock. The cold is settling in for tonight.
Memory fades back to a different day. A much warmer evening littered with the laughter of the boys and a relationship which was faithful. Or was it? Her text saying how she was sorry about what she had done. Mistakes were made and anger was unleashed on friends who were just trying to be there for you. A night spent in jail to detox a shattered heart.
Many apologies, make ups and break ups followed thereafter. The magnitude of the toxicity of that relationship was realized. How stupid you were to go back to her in the first place. Promises were made to make sure that this never happened again. No more drinking, no more swiping right, no more lust-based relationships.
But promises don’t keep you warm on cold winters nights. Not except for the overture of love and adoration by a supportive community who cry out for you every time you fall down and cheer for you everytime you get back up. Not but the grace and kindness of strangers on the street or at work. They weave the fabric that bandages your wounds. They make you stronger, and it keeps you resilient.
Most winter nights now, sleep is easier to achieve. Resting on the blessings to have such beautiful people in your life. Gratitude is definitely what the doctor ordered. Body pressed deeply into the plump of the mattress, head rested heavily into the plush of a pillow. Because you’re not alone in this. You are a resilient, strong hearted person who deserves the warmth you emit in return.
If you or someone you know is suffering through depression or suicidality, there is always someone on the other side waiting to talk. See down below.